Some Perspective

There is a serious discussion that goes on in our household every few days. It’s a misunderstanding that has been going on since the dawn of time, when men went out and hunted during the day, and women hung out in the cave and cared for the children. And I’m sure, even back in the days of the caveman, the discussion always started with the the man coming home at the end of the day to the cave, listening to his significant other mention how tired she is, and then blurting the innocuous statement “Well, you get to stay at home all day. That can’t be as hard as slaving all day at work like I do. At least you don't have to do that.”

I hate this statement. I can't possibly explain how much I despise, loathe, and abominate it, especially coming from people who have never had to stay at home with kids all day, and seem to think that it involves sitting around in pajamas every day, eating bon-bons while watching Dr. Phil.

So, let me give an example of my day, in the perspective of people who work all day in an office.

It doesn't involve bon-bons.

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You begin the day with heading to work. You arrive, and are assigned a foreign-language intern for the day, who will accompany you throughout your work. He does not speak English, and has no concept of customs or manners. You are assigned to give him an idea of these customs, while completing your work and teaching him how to assist you in that work.

You think "Well, that's not that bad. I can still get my work done, he'll just watch me, and figure out what to do."

You begin with your morning cup of coffee and bagel in the break-room, and invite him to join you. He sees you enjoying this breakfast, and reaches for the food to share. You're willing to share, of course, and split the bagel and hand it to him. He takes it, looks at it, and then reaches for yours. You swap halves, he takes a bite, spits it out, and again reaches for yours.

You just want to eat your half of the bagel in peace, so you tell him "No, you have your own. It's exactly like mine. But this is mine."

He screams at you and flails his arms, throwing pieces of the bagel all around the break-room, which hit you in the face and get all over the walls, not to mention his shirt. 

You, being the helpful person you are, just give him the entire bagel to shut him up, which he takes and promptly throws on the floor. You know that no one else is going to come in and clean up the room, so you do it yourself, then start to head out the door to do your work. You notice he still has bagel all over his shirt and face, so you offer to help him clean it up. You barely get within ten feet of him with a damp towel and he screams, flinging his arms around maniacally, and begins to hit you. You know you can't possibly let him go around with food on his face the entire day, because your boss will blame you, so you pin his arms down, trying to ignore the kicks to your shins in the meantime. The minute you finish, he gives you a big goofy grin, and heads out the door.

You head to your desk, and begin your assignment. It's very time-consuming, and you have to be thorough, so you concentrate on your task. Every few minutes, your intern comes up to you, babbling incoherently, shoving various things at your face, tugging at your arms, legs, and whatever other body part they can reach to get your attention. You really don't know what he wants, so you try and smile, nod, and just continue with your task. After several interruptions, the intern apparently realizes that you are busy, and turns away.

Relieved, you throw yourself back into your work. Several minutes into it, you look up, realize your intern is no longer there, and wonder where he went off to. You stand up, peer past your cubicle, and see him in the lounge area, fascinated with a box of Kleenex, which he is busy disemboweling and tossing all around the room in apparent glee. He must have found the magazines first, because those are already torn into shreds around his feet. Your boss hasn't seen the mess yet, but your neighboring coworkers are all glaring at you angrily, blaming you for not keeping your intern under control and preventing them from working in peace. You try and smile while heading over to clean up the paper as quickly as possible, attempting to stuff the Kleenex back into the box, not even caring that it no longer fits properly.

You attempt to pull the intern back to your desk, dragging him by his arm while he's yelling loudly at you for not allowing him to have his fun. You make it back, sit him down, and hand him a stapler, so that he can help you with sorting through papers. He seems to enjoy the distraction for a few minutes, and then promptly falls asleep. Relieved that you have some time to yourself to finish your job, you turn around back to your work, rushing through it as quickly as possible to finish before he wakes. You finish your task, print out the papers, and set them on the desk, feeling pleased with yourself. And since your intern is still asleep, you figure you can sneak off for some lunch, and get back before he wakes. Heck, you can even drop off your work at your boss' office on the way. You'll look awesomely in charge of everything.

Suddenly, one of your coworkers comes up and asks you loudly if she can have some staples. You dig around for a moment, find them, and oblige her with her staples. She heads off. You turn around to collect your papers, and realize that they aren't where you left them. Suddenly, you hear an ungodly amount of ripping noises coming from the floor, and look down to the see the intern ripping your entire project to shreds. You snatch the papers back, to which the intern responds with an ear-splitting shriek, and starts bawling. You quickly hand him the stapler again, which he seems pleased with.

Suddenly, you realize that you have to go to the bathroom. While he's distracted, you figure you can just sneak off and relieve yourself. You get to the bathroom, sit down on the toilet, and enjoy a moment to yourself, before you hear babbling and then a pounding on the door. The intern apparently followed you into the restroom, and wants into your stall. You proceed to rush through your ablutions, though not quickly enough, because the intern crawls underneath the door, grinning at you while you try and finish your business. You hurriedly yank your pants up and haul the intern out of the stall, washing your hands in a rush, then helping him wash his own when you realize that he has just been crawling around toilets.

You head back out to finish your work, and your boss comes out to check on your progress. You wonder why, since he doesn't do that until the end of the day, when you look at the clock and suddenly realize that it's time to go home, and he's caught you without having gotten your work finished. To top that off, the intern has decided to take off his pants and shirt, and is sitting in the middle of the hallway, covered in toilet paper he somehow managed to sneak from the bathroom for the few moments you turned around to dry your hands.

Your boss looks at you with confusion, and says "You didn't even have to leave the office today. How come you haven't gotten anything done? You really should be on top of everything, you didn't have that much extra added on. I think I'm going to have you take that intern home with you tonight, so you can really focus on getting that work done."

You just stand there mutely staring at your toilet paper-covered, half-naked intern, who has now found a pencil and is shoving it up his nose.

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The day that someone has to go to work and deal with an intern like that all day, is the day that they are welcome to say "But you stay home all day, that's not that hard."