I also was slacking on yesterday's blog post, in addition to the day before..
Yeah, this resolution thing is going to take a lot more resolve, haha.
Anyway, yesterday, the third day of the new year, was spent all by myself, since the small fry was in school for the day, which gave me ample opportunity to do whatever I needed to do. I always say that I'm going to be productive and do things like laundry, cleaning, or errands while she's gone, but in reality, I prefer to spend my time doing highly unproductive things like watching movies, or eating candy, since no one will come along and interrupt my movie or take my candy.
Which brings me to my appreciation for the day: Alone time, and the sense of being alone.
Back before she came along, and before I was living in a house full of people and animals who always needed me to do something for them, I didn't truly appreciate time alone to do absolutely nothing productive. I used to find time to do things alone, like running, but that was something I would have filed under productive. Fluffy things like eating ice cream, watching movies, or just lazing around, I would find other people with whom to share that time, and I would sometimes feel badly for not being that productive.
Since I've become a parent, though, and one that is getting through nursing school at that, I've really come to appreciate taking time for myself that has absolutely no practical purpose. Things like eating ice cream all alone in the Laz-E-Boy, or reading a book in the coffee shop with a $2.50 apple cider ($2.50 that could really have been saved for something considered far more practical, are things that are necessary to get a break and take some mental refreshment. They keep me sane, and make me feel a bit pampered.
So yesterday, I sat around and watched movies for a few hours, then read "The Vacancy", by J.K. Rowling, which I'm hoping to finish before school starts and I get bogged down in school reading. I did absolutely nothing practical or productive, and it was glorious.
Friday, January 4, 2013
January 2nd - Sisters
I didn't end up getting this post done yesterday (great way to start my new resolution, I know), so I'm going to backtrack and write one today.
Yesterday was the first day to challenge my resolution to find something positive in my day. Lilya had a day where she decided not to nap (which is always a ton of fun), the internet went down for some random reason (and fixed itself even more randomly about an hour after I called the cable company to tell them to send someone out), and I had some stress over money and bills, the latter of which are never-ending, and the former of which I find I never have enough.
Just a generally anxious and not productive day, really. I actually had to leave for about two hours to sit at the coffee shop alone, where I did manage to finish my holiday cards and read for a bit, which helped to re-collect my thoughts a bit.
Which, while positive, isn't my most positive aspect, actually. While driving home and crying (sometimes, the stress associated with the prospect of the next year and a half of being a single mom alone going through nursing school just gets to me, I'll admit it), I really struggled to come up with a positive part of the day, and had to ask myself several times. What came to mind from underneath all the muck tears was my conversation with Deisa that I had on Skype in the afternoon.
Not that the conversation was all that special. We didn't talk about too many things that were deep. Actually, she mostly told me about her escapades with New Year's Eve and Seattle partying, which are things that, as a mom, I can no longer relate to but enjoy hearing, if only to live vicariously through those experiences for a little bit. I also appreciate that we've managed to grow very close since we've moved out of our mother's house years ago, much closer than I ever would have thought. I don't know how that happened, but it somehow did, and there's something special about having another person in the world with whom you can commiserate over experiences during the growing-up process, especially in a family as dysfunctional as ours.
Yesterday was the first day to challenge my resolution to find something positive in my day. Lilya had a day where she decided not to nap (which is always a ton of fun), the internet went down for some random reason (and fixed itself even more randomly about an hour after I called the cable company to tell them to send someone out), and I had some stress over money and bills, the latter of which are never-ending, and the former of which I find I never have enough.
Just a generally anxious and not productive day, really. I actually had to leave for about two hours to sit at the coffee shop alone, where I did manage to finish my holiday cards and read for a bit, which helped to re-collect my thoughts a bit.
Which, while positive, isn't my most positive aspect, actually. While driving home and crying (sometimes, the stress associated with the prospect of the next year and a half of being a single mom alone going through nursing school just gets to me, I'll admit it), I really struggled to come up with a positive part of the day, and had to ask myself several times. What came to mind from underneath all the muck tears was my conversation with Deisa that I had on Skype in the afternoon.
Not that the conversation was all that special. We didn't talk about too many things that were deep. Actually, she mostly told me about her escapades with New Year's Eve and Seattle partying, which are things that, as a mom, I can no longer relate to but enjoy hearing, if only to live vicariously through those experiences for a little bit. I also appreciate that we've managed to grow very close since we've moved out of our mother's house years ago, much closer than I ever would have thought. I don't know how that happened, but it somehow did, and there's something special about having another person in the world with whom you can commiserate over experiences during the growing-up process, especially in a family as dysfunctional as ours.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year, New Beginnings
Isn't that the way of every new year? There's just something about the prospect of starting over, having to adjust to writing different numbers in the year on your checks, feeling like everything is possible with a whole new set of 365 days ahead of you, making resolutions for the coming year that may or may not come true but look too fabulous on the very first few days to ever doubt.
I do love new years.
2012 was quite a busy year, and quite a good one. Made it into nursing school (and survived the first semester), was inducted into the honor society for academic excellence, met a whole lot of new, wonderful people, and watched Lilya gain a lot in vocabulary, personality, and independence. I spent a lot of time being rather busy, and had to learn how to put aside time for myself, and pursue endeavors that were only for me.
Still, I didn't find a lot of time for the things that I really used to enjoy doing. The main thing I found myself missing was writing. I didn't spend anywhere near as much time as I would have liked doing that, and the main reason was that I just didn't make it a priority.
So, this year, taking my lessons learned from the past year, I've decided that for my resolution, I'm going to write a blog every day, of at least one good thing that happened that day. Even if it's a short paragraph describing just one thing, I'm going to make it a priority to write about all the good things that happened in the year, because too often, I find myself focusing on the negative aspects, since those take a lot more energy and input than positive things.
That and I like the thought of being able to look back on 2013 at the beginning of 2014, when I'm getting ready to graduate, and having the ability to look through and appreciate all the good things in my life. I don't really do that often enough, so why not?
------------------------
So, to begin the year, I'll start with a good thing about today.
Although the new year started off at midnight a bit less stellar than I would have liked (Lilya woke up around midnight because she had vomited all over her own sheets, and then again all over my sheets when I brought her to sleep with me), I got the chance to snuggle with her for a long time while she tried to fall asleep. Just her on my chest, with me sitting upright to help her belly settle while she burrowed into my body.
It's still amazing to me when she does that, and I can't help but compare her now to when I first brought her home and she wanted to sleep on me, no matter how hard I tried to get her into her own bed for more than an hour. Her entire body fit like a little frog on my chest, barely hitting my belly button at a good stretch. At eight pounds, she seemed feather-light, and there were nights I'd wake up with a start thinking she'd fallen off and I hadn't noticed.
Now, her legs go all the way down to my knees, and stretched out, she can cover the entire top of my chest and belly. At twenty-five pounds, she can actually take the breath right out of me, when she's relaxed enough. Last night, as she slept peacefully, I wondered when that little feather had turned into such a tangle of legs and arms that turned like a helicopter to get more comfortable. I don't remember exactly how that happened, but it definitely did, and I know it won't last forever.
So despite her belly being less than happy, I got one more night where I could enjoy her head on my chest, and bury my nose in head, taking in her no-longer-baby smell while she will still let me.
Only getting five hours of sleep was definitely worth that.
I do love new years.
2012 was quite a busy year, and quite a good one. Made it into nursing school (and survived the first semester), was inducted into the honor society for academic excellence, met a whole lot of new, wonderful people, and watched Lilya gain a lot in vocabulary, personality, and independence. I spent a lot of time being rather busy, and had to learn how to put aside time for myself, and pursue endeavors that were only for me.
Still, I didn't find a lot of time for the things that I really used to enjoy doing. The main thing I found myself missing was writing. I didn't spend anywhere near as much time as I would have liked doing that, and the main reason was that I just didn't make it a priority.
So, this year, taking my lessons learned from the past year, I've decided that for my resolution, I'm going to write a blog every day, of at least one good thing that happened that day. Even if it's a short paragraph describing just one thing, I'm going to make it a priority to write about all the good things that happened in the year, because too often, I find myself focusing on the negative aspects, since those take a lot more energy and input than positive things.
That and I like the thought of being able to look back on 2013 at the beginning of 2014, when I'm getting ready to graduate, and having the ability to look through and appreciate all the good things in my life. I don't really do that often enough, so why not?
------------------------
So, to begin the year, I'll start with a good thing about today.
Although the new year started off at midnight a bit less stellar than I would have liked (Lilya woke up around midnight because she had vomited all over her own sheets, and then again all over my sheets when I brought her to sleep with me), I got the chance to snuggle with her for a long time while she tried to fall asleep. Just her on my chest, with me sitting upright to help her belly settle while she burrowed into my body.
It's still amazing to me when she does that, and I can't help but compare her now to when I first brought her home and she wanted to sleep on me, no matter how hard I tried to get her into her own bed for more than an hour. Her entire body fit like a little frog on my chest, barely hitting my belly button at a good stretch. At eight pounds, she seemed feather-light, and there were nights I'd wake up with a start thinking she'd fallen off and I hadn't noticed.
Now, her legs go all the way down to my knees, and stretched out, she can cover the entire top of my chest and belly. At twenty-five pounds, she can actually take the breath right out of me, when she's relaxed enough. Last night, as she slept peacefully, I wondered when that little feather had turned into such a tangle of legs and arms that turned like a helicopter to get more comfortable. I don't remember exactly how that happened, but it definitely did, and I know it won't last forever.
So despite her belly being less than happy, I got one more night where I could enjoy her head on my chest, and bury my nose in head, taking in her no-longer-baby smell while she will still let me.
Only getting five hours of sleep was definitely worth that.
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